By Carolyn Boyles

“Man-bashing” has become a popular female sport. It comes in many varieties. Some contestants are professionals, while those with less experience are ranked semi-pro or amateur.

Several divisions for competition exist, husband, father, brother, brother-in-law, grandfather, and even son. Another subdivision involves bashing a particular group of men in general, like politicians.

Certain rules exist that make “man-bashing” different from other sports. No special equipment is required, other than maybe breasts and/or female reproduction equipment. No age limits exist. Competitors don’t wear uniforms, although they may if they choose to. The game can be played indoors or outdoors. Any time of day or night is allowed. Wagering is permitted. Managers and coaches are permitted. Finally, the game can be played in groups, in teams, or solo.

Oddly enough, the game provokes negative reactions among men. They don’t seem to enjoy being the center of attention of this sport. Upon realization a round of “man-bashing” has started, the intended targets immediately begin participation in a different sport, called “woman-bashing.”

Just what is behind the popularity of this “man-bashing” sport, which originated during the latter half of the twentieth century? Could it be an expression of general frustration in modern society? Is it that people marry and reproduce because society expects it of them? Do people believe they are marrying someone for love when it reality they are marrying for a totally different reason? Perhaps some people, as unthinkable as it may seem, marry for ulterior motives like social status or money. It has even been suggested that some women marry to escape their parents.

Do participants in the game truly enjoy playing or are they simply transferring aggression from another source such as job frustration or parental frustration? There are still many unanswered questions involved with this sport.

I propose it is time to mandate certain rules to the game of “man-bashing.” First, a mediator must always be present in cases where there are two or more female contestants participating. Second, all games of “man-bashing” must be governed by Roberts Rules of Order. One speaker must cede the floor to the other speaker before the other speaker can begin speaking. The contestants must be polite to each other. Two or more female contestants cannot team up on one “bashee,” as they are often called.

In addition, the contestants are required to reiterate, in writing, to the mediator prior to the start of the game the reasons they married “husband-bashee,” the good times they had with “brother-bashee,” “father-bashee,” “grandfather-bashee,” or other “insert-appropriate-bashee” here. Pleasant memories may also be included. The mediator is required to read these back to the participant at the end of the competition.

I also propose that professional participants seek corporate sponsors and wear uniforms with advertising on them. Professional leagues could be started with trophies and large sums of money. Players could advance from local to regional to national playoffs, complete with ESPN coverage. The sport could even be taken international, allowing for language differences and the need for translators.

In this day of high gasoline prices, the need for entertainment is ever-increasing. So sign up today!