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No RX Antabuse


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by Aron White No RX Antabuse, I sweep this floor every day. I know this place is rundown nowadays. You don't need to waste your breath in telling me that the train no longer runs through here. You think all I'm sweeping up is leaves and that it is a pointless task because this place is no longer visited, no longer used. I'm not sweeping up just the leaves and I know that this place was once cleaned with acids and bleaches, you see, 150mg Antabuse. No, there's more, No RX Antabuse. Death.

***

It was the summer of 1941. I had just finished my training and was now a fighting member of the German army. I was one of Hitler's men. No RX Antabuse, It was a great honor. The majority of my unit were wet behind the ears, Antabuse craiglist, just like me, but it was time to go. We were to invade the Soviet Union.

Once the invasion began, my unit was assigned to assist the Einsatzgruppen. The Einsatzgruppen were killing squads made up of SS and German police units. Our unit's duty was to keep the Einsatzgruppen stocked with supplies and transportation as the invasion went further into the Soviet Union, No RX Antabuse. Sometimes we would help in the capture and transporting of the Soviet Jews, Antabuse canada.

I really didn't have a problem with Jewish people like Hitler did. In fact, my neighbors were Jewish. My little brother played with the younger neighbor kids. No RX Antabuse, I, on the other hand, spent time with the oldest sister of the neighboring family. Her name was Angelika and she was every bit as angelic as her namesake. 20mg Antabuse, Had my heart, she did. I was fifteen at the time, she was thirteen. We didn't care about age difference, but we kept our love a secret because her father would have never stood for it. I wasn't Jewish, No RX Antabuse. He was always making comments to me, 10mg Antabuse, though, about how he wished I could have been a nice Jewish boy.

We were each others first kiss. I still remember the twinkle in her eye and the smile that covered her face just as soon as we pulled away. I thought she was going to burst. No RX Antabuse, I wrapped my arms around her and tried to keep her from bursting, and it felt like she was really about to. Antabuse india, Her body was in terrible convulsions which, after a second, were accompanied by laughter. She was only giggling. I never saw her so happy. I tried to kiss her again, but she broke out into hysterical laughter, Antabuse paypal. Angelika had one of those contagious smiles so, before I knew it, I was laughing too, No RX Antabuse.

Every afternoon, while in the summertime, Angelika and I would go off and have a picnic lunch. We would lie on the blanket after eating and snuggle as we discussed the future. Simple, Antabuse coupon, puppy love conversations, you know. Topics ranged from how we were going to convince her father that I was really okay for his oldest daughter, to where we were going to live and how many children we were going to have. No RX Antabuse, We hadn't yet a solution that would work on her father, but we already had names picked out for our first two future children. Hannelore, for a girl and Godafrid, for a boy, 40mg Antabuse. Yes, I know that's not very realistic and that no couple always gets what they want. We didn't think, what if we had two boys. We never considered, Antabuse ebay, what if all we ever had were girls. They were our dreams, so everything worked out perfectly, No RX Antabuse. We were happy. We were dreaming.

Our dreams soon turned into nightmares. Synagogues were being smashed and burned. No RX Antabuse, Angelika's father's business, along with other Jewish businesses, cemeteries, and hospitals were being looted. Jewish people were also being beaten and killed. Angelika's family got word that their aunt and uncle had been killed, 500mg Antabuse, so they ran. They fled the country and I never got to say goodbye to her. I never got to kiss my giggling angel one last time. I had to say goodbye to our dream, No RX Antabuse.

After Angelika's family ran away, my life took a nose dive. 30mg Antabuse, Before, I had a creative hand. I was going to become an artist when I had finished with my schooling. Father didn't think I could make a whole lot to support a family with my paintings, but mother was always behind me in everything I wanted to do. No RX Antabuse, I didn't have the strength, drive, or hands to become a working man like my father. That's something that my father held against me, though he never would have admitted it, Antabuse overseas. When I lost my love without saying goodbye, I had also lost my creativity. I lost my love of art and the desire to create. I finished school, just barely getting by and then I did all that was left for me to do. I joined the army, No RX Antabuse. Antabuse australia, I think that, by joining the army, it restored some of my father's pride in me. He always looked at me differently after that. In a good way, of course.

No, Antabuse us, I didn't have a problem with Jews. No RX Antabuse, That's not something I would admit aloud to my company, however. When I played part in helping the Einsatzgruppen round up Jews, I was only doing my job; only doing my duty. You can't look at something like that as anything other than doing your duty or you will lose part of your sanity. Especially the day that I was called to do more than just transport. Antabuse uk, I was on supply duty that day. Normally I would go and round up Jewish men, woman, and children onto the train so they could be taken to wherever they were taken to be either killed or put into labor camps, No RX Antabuse. I always avoided eye contact when I did that. These were still humans, after all. It's wasn't like we were just kicking around some mangy looking dogs. Finding out that I was on supply duty that day came as a huge relief. No RX Antabuse, When the train headed out into fresh Soviet territory, I boarded a truck to get more food and cigarettes for the Einsatzgruppen. We were gone half the day, 100mg Antabuse. When we returned to our camp near the train station, I noticed that the train had not yet made it back. That was odd because the train always beat the supply trucks. I soon found out the reason for the delay.

The Einsatzgruppen were separating the families that day, No RX Antabuse. They took the children first. 250mg Antabuse, All of them. Probably a good group of one-hundred and fifty children in ages ranging from two to eighteen. If they couldn't yet walk on their own, they were left with their mothers. No RX Antabuse, This angered the adults and a riot broke out. Three large men jumped one of the soldiers there to help, from my company. They stomped him and crushed his windpipe, 50mg Antabuse. They stomped and kicked him in the head until his neck broke. Those three large men were dealt with immediately and the doors of the train were locked. They were moving the children back to camp, No RX Antabuse. When the train arrived, I was told I had to replace the fallen soldier in the unloading of the train.

Armed soldiers came out of the front car and passed under the arched entryway into the foyer and stood along the back wall and up the steps. 750mg Antabuse, The entire foyer of the train station was surrounded. The doors of the train then opened and more armed men forced the children out into the foyer. No RX Antabuse, The men remained in the open doorways. I joined the group of soldiers that were on the steps. The officer in charge of the group was angry with the loss of one of our own, as was the entire company. He shouted to us that none will be spared. Not even the older children, Antabuse mexico, which were usually sent off into labor camps. They were all to die that day, No RX Antabuse. I was scared and shaking. I had not even seen combat yet and here I was getting ready to be responsible for a lot of deaths. A lot of innocent child deaths. One of my superior officers was behind me so I dare not disobey the order. No RX Antabuse, That's all I was doing that day. Antabuse japan, Obeying orders.

“Erschießen!“

The order was given. Pulling a trigger was as easy as pulling a drawer open, but not that day. It took all the strength I had in my body to pull that trigger. I couldn't look away, either, No RX Antabuse. I had to keep my eyes on the task so none of the other soldiers accidentally took a stray bullet. One by one, Antabuse usa, I watched them fall. They clung to each other, sibling or not, as their lives were snuffed out. The screams and cries, 1000mg Antabuse, I could surprisingly hear above the gunfire. No RX Antabuse, As I scanned the crowd with my gun, I also scanned with my eyes. There in the middle, revealed by those that had fallen just seconds before, was Angelika. Our eyes met again for the first time in three years. Her scared, panicked look was covered with a mask of unspeakable terror, 200mg Antabuse. It was an expression that has been forever burned into my retinas.

***

That was sixty years ago, No RX Antabuse. After the war, I hid out and let my appearance go to ruin. Many times, I wish I would have been caught and tried for war crimes but I think living every day with the things that I have seen and done, and my last memory of my precious Angelika is a prison all on its own. Not even death is a suitable punishment. I never left the Soviet Union. No RX Antabuse, I never loved again. I've lived my life, lonely, coming to this old, abandoned, rundown train station every day to try to clean my mistakes and sins of the past. To brush away the visions that haunt me, is my only desire. Sometimes an echo catches down here and it's the same screams and cries of that day long ago.

I've been coming here every day with my broom, for the last fifty-five years, to sweep. Do you want to know something. I am going to end up sweeping away the tile and concrete before I'll ever sweep away the memories.

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1 Comment

  1. September 2, 2010

    That was so real. I can invision it all. You did an awesome job capturing what some of the soldiers must have felt.

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