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The plaque in front of me says that the Anchoress was eighteen when the men bricked her up in that squalid little hole, Where Can I Buy Cafergot. The tour guide is wittering on in hushed French, making out that she was some heroine of the people, Cafergot paypal, when it’s pretty damn clear to me that she was a sacrificial victim. If the world hadn’t been so awful, if women had had more choices, if she had had any sort of choice at all, Cafergot uk, then it wouldn’t have seemed so attractive to hide away. I mean, Cafergot australia, what else was she going to do. Marry some sweaty farmhand and pop out a dozen of his spawn without any anaesthetic or child benefits or Calpol. Where Can I Buy Cafergot, Fuck that. If I’d been living then I’d have got myself walled up in a church too.
Jenny still has her head stuck in the guidebook, Cafergot mexico. ‘Babes, what do you reckon about looking at the Modern Art Museum next?’
I push the guidebook down. 10mg Cafergot, Her eyes follow it. I pull her chin so she’s looking in my eyes, Where Can I Buy Cafergot. ‘Why are you obsessing over what you’re going to see next when you’re not even looking at what’s in front of you?’
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‘Yeah, okay. I guess.’ Jenny flips through the guidebook. ‘But I meant this. Listen.’ She recites in a stuttering monotone, the way children read aloud. ‘Sometimes the anchoress’s grave would be made ready at the time of her enclosure and kept open as a memento mori. She was bidden not just to meditate on her own mortality by staring into the empty grave but, with her bare hands, to scrape up some earth from the grave every day, Where Can I Buy Cafergot. When she died the anchoress was buried in the anchorage grave.’ She looks up at me triumphantly. ‘What did I tell you. Sick shit.’
The anchoress is in there. She’s been in there since she was eighteen years old, and six hundred years later she’s still there. Where Can I Buy Cafergot, What’s left of her.
‘Yeah,’ I say, ‘sick shit.’ I can’t keep the tremor out of my voice, but Jenny doesn’t seem to notice. Her head is back in the guidebook, probably trying to find another piece of history she can recite to gross me out. History isn’t real to Jenny, this girl isn’t real.
But she is real. Or she was. Now she’s just a pile of dust in an old convent in a sleepy town that we only stopped in because we didn’t want to keep driving so soon after lunch.
I step right up to the wall, and I put my eyes to that letterbox-sized gap in the bricks, and I look into the blackness of that tiny little room. And I see her.
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