by Miriam Walker

So, Mr. Clever Engineer, who’s thinking outside the box now? It’s sure as heck not you. You’re in the box and will be there for eternity. Tomorrow they’ll close it and put it inside an ugly cement one. Then they’ll bury you six feet deep and cover you with earth. This place gives me the creeps, but the man in charge said I could stay as long as I want, and there are a few things I need to say to you before they close the cover on you for good. For once, I’ll get to say my piece with no interruptions. You can lie there, and I suppose you won’t be listening (what else is new?), but at least there’ll be no eye rolling, no stomping out the door, no banging pots on the kitchen table.

So, here goes. Did you really think I didn’t know about all those women you had in your life? Oh, I admit I was slow to catch onto the first one. Caroline, wasn’t it? But remember, I was thinking we were a happy young couple, deeply in love with each other. I still don’t understand why you chose to be unfaithful to me. Was I really that bad? Didn’t I show you enough love? Didn’t I do everything I knew how to do to make you happy? Did you care at all that you hurt me? What was so special about Caroline? Was she prettier, smarter, sexier than I? Well, it didn’t do her a whole lot of good, did it? Soon you dumped her for Marcia. Marcia was pretty. I’ll give her that. But is that reason enough to stray? And what about Francine? What did you see in her? I never could figure that one out. And Gwen and Shirley and Pauline. Were you unpleasable or simply unsatiable?

By the time you were seeing Inez, I guess I’d gotten used to the idea. As long as none of my friends knew what was going on, I could pretend it wasn’t happening. You were lucky. Nobody ever said a word to me. If they had, I’d have left you. No, I’d have stayed with you and made your life miserable, though probably not as miserable as you made mine. You know, there were a couple of guys who hit on me, but I brushed them off like mosquitoes. I took my vows seriously. Why didn’t you?

I had thought your infidelity was the worst thing you could possibly do to me, but, John, you managed to do something even more hurtful. You died. You took away any chance we might have had of starting over, doing it right, growing old together–older anyway. Now I’m left to wonder for the rest of my life, if somehow you might have changed, got tired of all the sneaking around, or was that what made you do it? Was it just the thrill of the chase? The challenge?. I’m thinking you should rot in Hell, a Hell full of beautiful women that you can’t get to.

Do you get what I’m thinking? Well, here’s a thought that might surprise you. I’m thinking I wish you were still outside the box with me. I’m thinking I’m going to kiss you one last time because despite everything, I’ve never stopped loving you. Now, I’m going to get out of this place. I’ve said what I wanted to say. Tonight I’m mad enough to kill you if you weren’t already dead. But I’m also thinking I’ll cry tomorrow.